So we're moved in and I love it. There's still a million little things to do but I really love this house. It feels comfortable and us and like we've been here for awhile. But it's new and fresh and can I just say I'd be lost without plantation shutters!
I'm sick of shopping...and eating out. (gasp!) Last Friday I had a mini breakdown (more on that later) and realized I can't put this whole house together in a week. I've been to Home Goods more often than I'd like to remember. And even though they have one of THE best playlists playing in store and some of the Bosnian workers know Lucy by name I'm really sick of it. I think I've been to Pier 1 about a dozen times the past two weeks and I can't think of anything I've bought there - but we have been there enough that a worker called OUR HOUSE today and said "Lucy lost one of her bows here - it'll be here behind the counter when you're in again." Pottery Barn has gorgeous stuff but Lucy's been banned from there so I save those trips for myself and Target, well I can go there everyday and not get sick of it so I can't include them.
As far as eating out, I think I've told Blake before I'd be happy to never cook or eat a meal at home but when you do that for almost a month it gets old. We've been to most restaurants in the valley at least once and Lucy is turning into a mcnugget. So today I finally went grocery shopping and have meals planned for the week. I'm sure by Friday I'll be ready to eat out again.
So my meltdown was due I guess. Blake came home from work ready for a marathon of stores to visit and I unloaded all the guilt, frustration, anger, guilt, tiredness, annoyances, guilt I've been bottling up. I'll just admit - I've been a sucky mom the past few weeks. I've yelled too much, had zero patience, been through too many drive-thrus, ignored, all in all just been an awful mom. I've felt horrible for how I've been and then I wonder why Lucy's been a acting up. Once she started telling ME to "watch your attitude" I knew things had gotten bad. So on top of feeling like a crappy mom I've just felt so chaotic - boxes everywhere, every damn drawer in this kitchen has a safety tab (and I keep forgetting they do), I'm the queen of indecisiveness on rugs to dishes to laundry baskets to shower curtain hooks. This is when Blake made me realize we've just been here a week and things take time. I just felt so out of control. But this is when Blake is perfect for me. He told me I'm a good mom and we're in a temporary chaos. Things will calm down (and they already have) and I need to stop beating myself up and comparing myself to others who I think have it all together. Seriously, sometimes I look at 10 blogs and combine everything those people have done together and imagine it's one super person doing it all (yeah, I'm nuts like that). So Blake has give all of us a new word to use "letigo - let it go!" In the chaos of this move we lost Lucy tap shoes - she was starting to get anxious and freak out about them and when I saw her taking on my nervous tendencies I felt sad so Blake had a talk with her and told her we'd find them or replace them and to letigo! So now I'm trying to take a deep breath, not sweat the small stuff and letigo.
After all of this freaking out I had a birthday. Saturday I turned 32 and had a great day. Blake took all of my family to Red Iguana. Then we came back home and I opened such fun and cute presents. Blake got me a MacBook - which I love but find confusing because we've had more than a few "conversations" about my time spent in front of the computer. But since I can have this in bed and tote around the house it doesn't keep my locked away in the office zoned out to the world. My brother gave me a b&n giftcard that I can use on all of the decorating mags I've been buying, Caitlin and Brinton got me new roxy flip-flops, summer toe polish and yummy gift certificate for dough girls. My parents gave me a pedi gift certificate, pottery barn g.c., earrings and a darling candle holder. I love birthdays.
So today is spring-y and a fresh start and a great thing about being Lucy's mom is that she forgives. I've promised to try harder and be better and even though that little toadstool is only almost three she gets it and hopefully we can both letigo.
5 comments:
I'm sorry you've been so stressed lately. You have all the time in the world you need to decorate, fix up and do whatever you need to do to your house. It looks perfect already! If it were my house you'd be crying by now... we're still moving in 2 years later, I swear. At least your doors aren't in need of chipping off paint and stain - it's so ugly and I've been feeling so bugged lately! I actually went home after going to your house and thought how yours looks so much more done than ours and you just moved in - it made me go on a rant that we need to get moving on things... so don't think other people are ahead of you because they aren't.
We all go through bad days, weeks, sometimes years (I admit, this was my time frame) - but we snap out of it and things become sane again.
Good luck and chillax!
Let's get a pedicure soon... just go grab lunch and a cheap-o, Happy Nails-type pedi! Sounds good to me.
I am just like you about wanting to do it all, and all at once... SOOO much easier said than done to "letigo" :) But just remember how lucky you are to have a house! You didn't ask for advice but maybe you could go room by room; take whatever time limit per room that feels right to you and check them off like that??? Good luck! Stay as destressed as possible! Glad you had a fun birthday!
Codi,
Just remember that NOBODY has it all together! Be good to yourself and applaud all of the things you have accomplished in the last month! I haven't even seen your house yet and I know it is picture perfect. Breathe deep! xoxo Kim
I do the same thing...blog stalk various people and imagine a bunch of ladies who have it all together. Then I have to shake myself out of it and remember NO ONE has it all together. Congrats on the new house. I'm sure it will be the perfect place for you guys.
please..... i am the worst mom, ever. my house is almost always never clean. mcdonalds is a daily occurance. and i WISH i could go to all of the said stores you are mentioning and actually purchase something.
i think thats why we were destined to be besties.
call me and we can let our crazy children rule our lives together.
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