Thursday, September 30, 2010


Last week we had both great news and tragic news affecting people we love.
Since then I've spent many nights reflecting and feeling overwhelmed with gratitude. Sometimes I wonder why I got so lucky with this life. But after conversations with Blake - mostly about guilt and "how did I deserve this" I've realized it's all about perspective. No one has a perfect life and we've had our own amount of trials but because of a positive perspective and outlook a lot of the trials or hard times fade. I'm only 32 and I don't want to jinx anything so who knows what's ahead of me. But that's the thing I have to not focus or worry about because that type of doomsday thinking is a slippery slope. What I can focus on is where I am now - where we are as a family.

With the help of therapy, supportive family and the best husband
in the world I've been able to accept and move on from my pregnancy with Lucy and
her scary start. Most days it's a non issue but sometimes I relive moments and am taken back so quickly. Until you've lived through that situation (as with many others) you really have no idea how awful it can be and how the smallest and oddest things can be triggers.

But Lucy is a living, breathing miracle and she's mine. I know that my memories (even the scary and bad ones) will always stay with me and part of me doesn't want them to go away. They are part of our story now and it's okay that they're there. But today I am just so, so grateful.

I've been volunteering with the NICU parent support group for a couple of years but all of my volunteering has been at IMC in Murray. Last week I changed locations and now will be volunteering at the scene where some of my most vivid and scary moments happened - LDS Hospital. Last Wednesday I made the drive we made SO many times and even parked in the same area. The tears started as soon as I got out of the car.

But I made through and feel like a huge part of me is healed from going back into that building. It did help a lot that the entire 4th floor has been remodeled and the hospital doesn't have a NICU but a 'special care nursery'. The nursery is for babies 32+ weeks who are generally in good (non critical) condition. It's a small unit and I think it'll be a good fit for me and I hope to help parents who are in the thick of worry and uncertainty with their babies. I'll never be over what happened with Lucy and I don't know how much that plays our decision to have or not have another child but I do know because of her I'm stronger.

Another thing to be grateful for...ten years of marriage! Last week was our anniversary and Blake sent me these gorgeous flowers - an almost exact duplicate of my 60 lb bouquet I carried for three hours at my reception. I loved our wedding. Even though I annoy him with never putting away laundry, my reality tv obsession and my Nordstrom bill I know he could not live without me. And the feeling is mutual!

And tonight I'm so grateful that my baby Suki is almost fully recovered. He went in for bladder surgery last week and let's just say we were all a little worried. Lucy said "Wedge is missing his brother." For dog people you get it - for non-dog people you don't. Suki is our first baby. We got him for our first anniversary so we've had him for nine years. Blake had to be the one to drop him off this last week in the early morning and I was up to kiss him (Suki) goodbye.

All went well and Suki is starting to act like himself again. He's even acting healthier than before surgery. We sure do love our pups.

So apologies for a jumbled post. I was overdue and sometimes the words just kind of fumble out - thanks for making it this far.

p.s. oh, and I'm not ashamed to admit I am grateful for fall tv
are you watching Modern Family? If not, add it to the dvr.

Monday, September 20, 2010


We found pumpkins this weekend!
Our annual trip to Perry this weekend with my family resulted in more gourds than I really have room for - but I still need some large white or greenish porch pumpkins.


The peaches didn't look ready but we bought some anyway and they've been delicious. After picking up our goods we had lunch at Maddox and then all went our separate ways. Blake, Lucy and I drove home through Weber canyon and then through Morgan and the leaves were beautiful.


I have a start on my front porch but if I add all of the pumpkins I plan to I might not have mail delivery anymore.

Blake asked "what's the purpose of gourds?"
What kind of question is that?! Look at these beauties!!

Friday, September 10, 2010

just need pumpkins

...and my fall decor is complete!
I started in August but just finished up my fall nesting this week.
I think most everyone is ready for the crispness of fall, pumpkin lattes
and cozy throws on the bed.

Blake and I still aren't quite ready to give up our time in the yard so
we dressed up some pots with fall color and added some glow-y candles
to stretch out our evenings outside.

My bench!
I've been so excited to decorate this corner of my kitchen for fall. My amazingly talented brother in law Brinton custom built this banquette for us. He did such
a great job and this custom piece is already becoming a popular spot. He included
storage below for baskets to hold Lucy's arts & crafts supplies, dining room linens and cookbooks. It's comfortable, well made and now I feel like my kitchen area is complete.

Now I'm just on the hunt for white, orange, green pumpkins to finish it all up!

my favorite time of the year!

Thursday, September 9, 2010

fishing friday

Last week Lucy, Blake and my dad tried their luck at fishing. They didn't get a bite but it sounds like they still had a fun outing. Yay for Blake taking pictures for me.

On our last fishing attempt Lucy and I lasted about four minutes so I guess the key to an enjoyable day at the lake is leave mommy at home and take papa!

Wednesday, September 1, 2010

storybook land

On Sunday morning we used an about to expire gift certificate and brunched at La Caille. Right as we pulled into the drive way I knew Lucy would love.

Lucy quickly named the restaurant 'Belle's cottage' and walking through the pretty grounds was just like walking into a princess story...or Disneyland.

It was a beautiful morning. We sat in the courtyard and had peacocks and other roaming birds walk right up to our table. Lucy really did think we were transported back to the Dis though because when our waitress would walk away she'd ask "but when is Belle coming out". Sadly, this wasn't character dining but it was a fun morning together and Lucy could have spent half the day exploring walkways and calling out to swans.

(this dress/boot combo seems to be the outfit of choice lately - but she really doesn't wear it all the time)