Disclaimer: no pictures of Lucy - no house pictures - nothing much of interest just some ramblings in my head because it's late afternoon, I'm lazy and need to clear my head...
So we're moved in and I love it. There's still a million little things to do but I really love this house. It feels comfortable and us and like we've been here for awhile. But it's new and fresh and can I just say I'd be lost without plantation shutters!
I'm sick of shopping...and eating out. (gasp!) Last Friday I had a mini breakdown (more on that later) and realized I can't put this whole house together in a week. I've been to Home Goods more often than I'd like to remember. And even though they have one of THE best playlists playing in store and some of the Bosnian workers know Lucy by name I'm really sick of it. I think I've been to Pier 1 about a dozen times the past two weeks and I can't think of anything I've bought there - but we have been there enough that a worker called OUR HOUSE today and said "Lucy lost one of her bows here - it'll be here behind the counter when you're in again." Pottery Barn has gorgeous stuff but Lucy's been banned from there so I save those trips for myself and Target, well I can go there everyday and not get sick of it so I can't include them.
As far as eating out, I think I've told Blake before I'd be happy to never cook or eat a meal at home but when you do that for almost a month it gets old. We've been to most restaurants in the valley at least once and Lucy is turning into a mcnugget. So today I finally went grocery shopping and have meals planned for the week. I'm sure by Friday I'll be ready to eat out again.
So my meltdown was due I guess. Blake came home from work ready for a marathon of stores to visit and I unloaded all the guilt, frustration, anger, guilt, tiredness, annoyances, guilt I've been bottling up. I'll just admit - I've been a sucky mom the past few weeks. I've yelled too much, had zero patience, been through too many drive-thrus, ignored, all in all just been an awful mom. I've felt horrible for how I've been and then I wonder why Lucy's been a acting up. Once she started telling ME to "watch your attitude" I knew things had gotten bad. So on top of feeling like a crappy mom I've just felt so chaotic - boxes everywhere, every damn drawer in this kitchen has a safety tab (and I keep forgetting they do), I'm the queen of indecisiveness on rugs to dishes to laundry baskets to shower curtain hooks. This is when Blake made me realize we've just been here a week and things take time. I just felt so out of control. But this is when Blake is perfect for me. He told me I'm a good mom and we're in a temporary chaos. Things will calm down (and they already have) and I need to stop beating myself up and comparing myself to others who I think have it all together. Seriously, sometimes I look at 10 blogs and combine everything those people have done together and imagine it's one super person doing it all (yeah, I'm nuts like that). So Blake has give all of us a new word to use "letigo - let it go!" In the chaos of this move we lost Lucy tap shoes - she was starting to get anxious and freak out about them and when I saw her taking on my nervous tendencies I felt sad so Blake had a talk with her and told her we'd find them or replace them and to letigo! So now I'm trying to take a deep breath, not sweat the small stuff and letigo.
After all of this freaking out I had a birthday. Saturday I turned 32 and had a great day. Blake took all of my family to Red Iguana. Then we came back home and I opened such fun and cute presents. Blake got me a MacBook - which I love but find confusing because we've had more than a few "conversations" about my time spent in front of the computer. But since I can have this in bed and tote around the house it doesn't keep my locked away in the office zoned out to the world. My brother gave me a b&n giftcard that I can use on all of the decorating mags I've been buying, Caitlin and Brinton got me new roxy flip-flops, summer toe polish and yummy gift certificate for d
ough girls. My parents gave me a pedi gift certificate, pottery barn g.c., earrings and a darling candle holder. I love birthdays.
So today is spring-y and a fresh start and a great thing about being Lucy's mom is that she forgives. I've promised to try harder and be better and even though that little toadstool is only almost three she gets it and hopefully we can both letigo.
